Wednesday, June 23, 2010

back in the saddle again!

This is a rarity, two posts from me on two consecutive days! :) I stayed up late last night to figure out my clothilde and guess what?? I finally found the row that had the original error (main reason why I had to rip back SO many times!). I am now one row away from completing the transition rows and shall be all finished in about 10 rows! I just updated my stash in ravelry too. I didn't realize that I had been forgetting to do that. This is my first shipment of Sock Yarnista (how I have MISSED that club!!), Lysander in Adorn Sock.
And this is my third installment of the Dye Dreams Four Seasons Sock Club, Estuary in Twinkle Toes.
I also answered a couple of letters last night and I intend on answering a few more today. I just might have to type a few of them too. I'm that behind. :P
Now that I've got clothilde figured out, I'm starting to feel like a knitter again. I think once I've cast off clothilde, I'll get back to work on those socks for the hubby and maybe just maybe, I'll even try to finish up my cozy cardi! Ugh..I will also try to update with finished shots of citron, dame damson, and eventually a shot of purple haze in her entirety!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

i'm still a knitter (and then some)

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I'm just now getting my footing. Yesterday was the first time since we've been in our new place where I have been left virtually alone in the apt. I forgot what life was like without a child around mucking everything up or demanding attention. Complete and utter solitude. I was able to block purple haze.
 I've hit a snafu with clothilde though.
It seems as though wherever I left off while in Chicago is not where I picked back up again a few days ago. I'm at a loss. I keep ripping back until I hit a row where I know which one is the match.
And what sucks the most is that I was nearing the transition row and was about to begin the last and final chart! Argh!!
Sigh..I touched my cozy cardi for the first time last night since I got to the button band. And then there are the socks I cast on for before we left for Chicago..Must finish these projects before school starts up!
I remembered to get a shot of the other gift we helped the monkey make for her mom for Mother's Day.
And here's the monkey being her overly goofy self.
Sigh...see why I have no time to knit, read, answer mail, or even catch up on blogs??
This past Sunday was her first ballet recital. This was before the show.
Here's the first performance.
The second performance was the beginning ballet group. Here are a couple of screen caps.
It was adorable. Granted, they spent most of their stage time just standing there but then they started to remember bits and pieces of their actual performance!
We stayed for the whole show and it was well worth it! Okay, off to catch up with the rest of my life!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

unbelievable

This is a warning, if you don't want to hear about the latest and final family drama, please skip this post. It all went down today and I just need to get it out of my system. You all know that this is my forum, this is where I air most of my dirty laundry (that I feel comfortable airing!) and if I can't air that here, where else am I going to feel comfortable doing it?

As you know, the hubs and I have been making trips between our new place and my parents' place to get our stuff out of there. We didn't have the help we were counting on and we didn't want to ask my brother or my parents for any of their help either so everything fell on our own shoulders. With the hubs being sick, I couldn't expect him to make multiple trips back and forth hauling stuff here and there so we've only been able to move stuff little by little. It sure hasn't helped that the DAY we went to sign the lease, my stupid car decided to quit on me. She's been in the shop ever since. She just might spend the summer there!!! Who knows.
Well, over the last couple of days, I have just felt a strong sense of urgency to get all my stuff OUT of that awful house It didn't help that every day we would go over there, we noticed that someone was trying to 'help' us by putting stuff out in the garage or what have you FOR us. I couldn't believe it. Stuff that I didn't even want, stuff that wasn't even mine, etc. What put ME over the edge was that they were throwing out stuff that belonged to my NIECE, their freakin' GRANDDAUGHTER.
One of the last times my SIL went over to that house, they gave her the monkey's stuffed animals and a big bag of her old clothes. So not only were they trying to erase ME from their lives, but their one and only granddaughter.
I was determined to get ALL of our stuff out TODAY. We did two trips yesterday and were in the midst of our second trip there today when my SIL came over with the monkey. Friday is when she goes to see her Dad. So the hubs and I were taking apart this chair to cram into the car and all of a sudden we hear yelling. BOTH of us ran into the house and apparently my brother (while he was holding my niece!) declared that he was going to file for custody of his daughter! My SIL flipped out. The hubs was right there (next to them, flathead screwdriver in hand--and I had one in my hand as well!) He was ready to go toe-to-toe and all the while, the monkey was BAWLING in the midst of it all. It was a bad scene. Yelling, crying, and THEN my stupid a** mother shows up and I don't remember what exactly SHE said to set me off but she got me going and I called her out on her trying to pit my sister and I against one another and she DENIED trying to do that. She basically gives my sister NO credit whatsover and acts as if my sister is stupid and ignorant and is unable to make serious decisions for herself.
THEN she goes into how I'm ungrateful and how apparently, when she got home from work, I should've cooked food for her, etc. Ummmm....what the f*ck was her a$$hole of a husband doing?? How do you cook for someone who just says, "Oh, that's too salty. Oh, there's no taste. Oh, I don't eat that" (And she calls ME ungrateful??) I told her how we didn't even want to BE there and she said Why DID you then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Basically that conversation ended with me saying that she was dead to me and she said I was dead to her too (like I give a flying f---). The hubs got into it a bit also. The remark that gets me is apparently I should've lost respect for myself and I said WHY?? She talked about how they put me through college and I said, What San Francisco State???? I didn't even WANT to go there you people MADE me go there. And she said, "Why did you listen to us then?"  I said, "Because at that time, I was STUPID enough to have respect for you but after having moved back here and suffered, I have lost ALL respect for you people. And I told her how I thought that by coming there, I could get to know my parents as people (since isn't that the next step adult children are supposed to take with their parents?) but all I learned was that they weren't good people at all. The hubs got me out of there..didn't want me getting any more upset and he put me on kid patrol. He had gotten her out of the house early on so that she wouldn't have to see or hear the crap that was going on. Poor kid.  Everything I said to that woman was coming from my heart. I don't feel hurt at all by any of it and I don't have any regrets. But THEN the woman started putting stuff into bags and tossing it into the garage and I couldn't stand it. One bag had shoes in it and some of them weren't even mine!! I threw them around the garage and then I realized that I could throw them at the door (that led back to the house!). I did that a couple of times and then she opened the door and said, WHAT? And I said, "These aren't even MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And she said, "They're not mine either" To which I responded with (by the way, all the comments I had towards that woman were yelled because that's the only decible she can hear) YOU HAVE ANOTHER DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh.
While all of that crazy was going on, the other crazy was going on in the living room--my SIL and my stupid ass of a brother going at it. I couldn't BELIEVE he was pulling the crap that he did. In a way, I guess it was time that they had it out because I know that my SIL just wanted closure out of the situation. She had gotten over it and really just wanted him to apologize. The hubs and I told her up and down that that was the LAST thing he would ever give her because he's so like those people. They don't apologize for anything, ever. Apparently they're perfect and can do no wrong. I finished with the woman and was just outside in the cars with the monkey and the hubs waiting. Then we got impatient and I said, "Maybe if I go in there and tell him that it isn't her fault that he hasn't been allowed to come around this crap will stop for now and we can just leave." Hubs said go for it so I went in and interrupted and let him know that we weren't trying to hide her at all, we've been busy moving our stuff BY ourselves and I didn't want him coming around cos I didn't want him going back to that house reporting to those people. The b*tch was there and said, "We don't care about where you live" to which I responded with, "I wasn't TALKING TO YOU. I am speaking to my BROTHER. I don't know who you think you are to me anymore." To which she responded with, "It's my house. I can say whatever I want and I said, "GO ahead. NO ONE is going to listen to you anyway." That was when I hit my brother hard and said that he needed to get out of that f'ing house because he is becoming like them and all they are doing is pushing down. They don't LET him be an adult and I went on to say how I didn't want that for him and that he KNEW what I was talking about (because we have had conversations about what sh*tty parents we have). At that point, he hugged me and we both cried. Then that b*tch has to open her mouth AGAIN and say, "What did we do??" (OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like you really truly don't know??). He said to her to just stop already and that we have heard ENOUGH out of her. Then he broke down and admitted that he was just filled with so much anger and he didn't know why and he didn't want to be. Then he apologized to my SIL for what he did. TWICE even. He even hugged her! She and I were BOTH surprised. I saw a different side of him, a side that I used to see before all of this. It was good to see that he was still in there. Then he talked about how hard it was for HIM having to turn the other cheek for everyone and how he couldn't understand why everyone was so mad at everyone else. I didn't help by saying that THOSE people are the ones that started this crap. He really just wants everyone to put everything aside and I told him that those people aren't going to change. They didn't grow up here. They grew up differently than we did and that the only ones who are capable of what he wants is us. I even went so far as to say that I knew as a kid that I didn't ever, ever, EVER (and I yelled that last one as loud as can be!) want to become like those people and I went out of my way to be the different. And if he doesn't want to become like them, he needs to start acting on it. He and my SIL went back and forth again, but the tone was different. They weren't so angry anymore. Both were still throwing in a few jabs here and there but that's expected. The hubs came back into the house with the monkey and reminded everyone that he was a diabetic and hadn't eaten (since noon actually and it was already about 6pm) so the conversation needed to end but maybe once we unloaded everything it could continue.
We split, rehashed what went down in that house while dining at McDonald's, came back home and did some adrenaline filled guerilla unloading. This apt. is loaded to the MAX with just STUFF. But I am glad to say that everything is finally here and I don't ever have to go back to that house again. The conversation was continued between my brother and my SIL and in this household, we are all just hoping for the best.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been super duper quiet here, I know. It's because the hubs and I are still in the process of moving everything over from my ex-parents' house to the new place. We're going on week 2 here but we're almost finished. There's been no knitting, and no peace. There's also very little space to move around here but, we're all still happy campers.
As you all know, I came back from Chicago and LA and had to do two interviews. I knew that I was going to take one of the two positions. The preschool offered me a position last Friday (but I was holding out for more $$) so I haven't been in contact. The administrative assistant called me today though and needs me to call her back. As for the Kindergarten position (the one I REALLY wanted at the school I KNEW I wanted to work), the committee was going to deliberate today and make a decision today. I purposely didn't take my phone with me today on our trip to the ex-folks' house or on any of our errands because I didn't want any bad news. When we got home, there were three vm's waiting (one from the preschool, the other from the elementary school). After a bit of phone tag, the director and I finally got a hold of each other. She asked how I was, I told her we were still in the midst of moving and that we had to do it little by little. To which she remarked with, "How would you like to move with a JOB!!!!!!" I wanted to cry so badly.
I have spent the entire day trying not to want it so bad because I didn't want to jinx myself. I have become accustomed to bad news so I was really truly expecting the worse. I'm still kind of in shock that I'm actually going to have my own classroom again. I immediately asked when can I start moving my stuff over (because all of my teaching stuff has literally taken over our apt!!!). The money isn't going to be stellar but I told the director that I was just glad to have my own class again and that I had been out of work for an entire school year. I can't wait. I'm SO SO excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you to everyone for your prayers and well wishes..that light at the end of our tunnel is starting to get a bit brighter everyday. :)