Saturday, June 12, 2010

unbelievable

This is a warning, if you don't want to hear about the latest and final family drama, please skip this post. It all went down today and I just need to get it out of my system. You all know that this is my forum, this is where I air most of my dirty laundry (that I feel comfortable airing!) and if I can't air that here, where else am I going to feel comfortable doing it?

As you know, the hubs and I have been making trips between our new place and my parents' place to get our stuff out of there. We didn't have the help we were counting on and we didn't want to ask my brother or my parents for any of their help either so everything fell on our own shoulders. With the hubs being sick, I couldn't expect him to make multiple trips back and forth hauling stuff here and there so we've only been able to move stuff little by little. It sure hasn't helped that the DAY we went to sign the lease, my stupid car decided to quit on me. She's been in the shop ever since. She just might spend the summer there!!! Who knows.
Well, over the last couple of days, I have just felt a strong sense of urgency to get all my stuff OUT of that awful house It didn't help that every day we would go over there, we noticed that someone was trying to 'help' us by putting stuff out in the garage or what have you FOR us. I couldn't believe it. Stuff that I didn't even want, stuff that wasn't even mine, etc. What put ME over the edge was that they were throwing out stuff that belonged to my NIECE, their freakin' GRANDDAUGHTER.
One of the last times my SIL went over to that house, they gave her the monkey's stuffed animals and a big bag of her old clothes. So not only were they trying to erase ME from their lives, but their one and only granddaughter.
I was determined to get ALL of our stuff out TODAY. We did two trips yesterday and were in the midst of our second trip there today when my SIL came over with the monkey. Friday is when she goes to see her Dad. So the hubs and I were taking apart this chair to cram into the car and all of a sudden we hear yelling. BOTH of us ran into the house and apparently my brother (while he was holding my niece!) declared that he was going to file for custody of his daughter! My SIL flipped out. The hubs was right there (next to them, flathead screwdriver in hand--and I had one in my hand as well!) He was ready to go toe-to-toe and all the while, the monkey was BAWLING in the midst of it all. It was a bad scene. Yelling, crying, and THEN my stupid a** mother shows up and I don't remember what exactly SHE said to set me off but she got me going and I called her out on her trying to pit my sister and I against one another and she DENIED trying to do that. She basically gives my sister NO credit whatsover and acts as if my sister is stupid and ignorant and is unable to make serious decisions for herself.
THEN she goes into how I'm ungrateful and how apparently, when she got home from work, I should've cooked food for her, etc. Ummmm....what the f*ck was her a$$hole of a husband doing?? How do you cook for someone who just says, "Oh, that's too salty. Oh, there's no taste. Oh, I don't eat that" (And she calls ME ungrateful??) I told her how we didn't even want to BE there and she said Why DID you then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Basically that conversation ended with me saying that she was dead to me and she said I was dead to her too (like I give a flying f---). The hubs got into it a bit also. The remark that gets me is apparently I should've lost respect for myself and I said WHY?? She talked about how they put me through college and I said, What San Francisco State???? I didn't even WANT to go there you people MADE me go there. And she said, "Why did you listen to us then?"  I said, "Because at that time, I was STUPID enough to have respect for you but after having moved back here and suffered, I have lost ALL respect for you people. And I told her how I thought that by coming there, I could get to know my parents as people (since isn't that the next step adult children are supposed to take with their parents?) but all I learned was that they weren't good people at all. The hubs got me out of there..didn't want me getting any more upset and he put me on kid patrol. He had gotten her out of the house early on so that she wouldn't have to see or hear the crap that was going on. Poor kid.  Everything I said to that woman was coming from my heart. I don't feel hurt at all by any of it and I don't have any regrets. But THEN the woman started putting stuff into bags and tossing it into the garage and I couldn't stand it. One bag had shoes in it and some of them weren't even mine!! I threw them around the garage and then I realized that I could throw them at the door (that led back to the house!). I did that a couple of times and then she opened the door and said, WHAT? And I said, "These aren't even MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And she said, "They're not mine either" To which I responded with (by the way, all the comments I had towards that woman were yelled because that's the only decible she can hear) YOU HAVE ANOTHER DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh.
While all of that crazy was going on, the other crazy was going on in the living room--my SIL and my stupid ass of a brother going at it. I couldn't BELIEVE he was pulling the crap that he did. In a way, I guess it was time that they had it out because I know that my SIL just wanted closure out of the situation. She had gotten over it and really just wanted him to apologize. The hubs and I told her up and down that that was the LAST thing he would ever give her because he's so like those people. They don't apologize for anything, ever. Apparently they're perfect and can do no wrong. I finished with the woman and was just outside in the cars with the monkey and the hubs waiting. Then we got impatient and I said, "Maybe if I go in there and tell him that it isn't her fault that he hasn't been allowed to come around this crap will stop for now and we can just leave." Hubs said go for it so I went in and interrupted and let him know that we weren't trying to hide her at all, we've been busy moving our stuff BY ourselves and I didn't want him coming around cos I didn't want him going back to that house reporting to those people. The b*tch was there and said, "We don't care about where you live" to which I responded with, "I wasn't TALKING TO YOU. I am speaking to my BROTHER. I don't know who you think you are to me anymore." To which she responded with, "It's my house. I can say whatever I want and I said, "GO ahead. NO ONE is going to listen to you anyway." That was when I hit my brother hard and said that he needed to get out of that f'ing house because he is becoming like them and all they are doing is pushing down. They don't LET him be an adult and I went on to say how I didn't want that for him and that he KNEW what I was talking about (because we have had conversations about what sh*tty parents we have). At that point, he hugged me and we both cried. Then that b*tch has to open her mouth AGAIN and say, "What did we do??" (OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like you really truly don't know??). He said to her to just stop already and that we have heard ENOUGH out of her. Then he broke down and admitted that he was just filled with so much anger and he didn't know why and he didn't want to be. Then he apologized to my SIL for what he did. TWICE even. He even hugged her! She and I were BOTH surprised. I saw a different side of him, a side that I used to see before all of this. It was good to see that he was still in there. Then he talked about how hard it was for HIM having to turn the other cheek for everyone and how he couldn't understand why everyone was so mad at everyone else. I didn't help by saying that THOSE people are the ones that started this crap. He really just wants everyone to put everything aside and I told him that those people aren't going to change. They didn't grow up here. They grew up differently than we did and that the only ones who are capable of what he wants is us. I even went so far as to say that I knew as a kid that I didn't ever, ever, EVER (and I yelled that last one as loud as can be!) want to become like those people and I went out of my way to be the different. And if he doesn't want to become like them, he needs to start acting on it. He and my SIL went back and forth again, but the tone was different. They weren't so angry anymore. Both were still throwing in a few jabs here and there but that's expected. The hubs came back into the house with the monkey and reminded everyone that he was a diabetic and hadn't eaten (since noon actually and it was already about 6pm) so the conversation needed to end but maybe once we unloaded everything it could continue.
We split, rehashed what went down in that house while dining at McDonald's, came back home and did some adrenaline filled guerilla unloading. This apt. is loaded to the MAX with just STUFF. But I am glad to say that everything is finally here and I don't ever have to go back to that house again. The conversation was continued between my brother and my SIL and in this household, we are all just hoping for the best.

5 comments:

  1. I have nothing to say but sending you a big hug! I'm glad the entire situation is behind you. HUGS!

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  2. Wow hon! Glad you at least got through to your brother. And so glad you have him and the monkey and your hubs. I just can't even understand parents treating their kids like that. (((((HUGS)))))

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  3. Sending good vibes your way that in your new place, you won't ever have to deal with stuff like that again. Hopefully this really will be the end.

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  4. My darling, thats terrible! But at least its done, you have offloaded that horrible weight from your shoulders and now you and Hubby can start living YOUR life! Big love to you both xxxxx

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  5. Hope you feel better from venting! It sucks that you have to go through all this.

    Hope things are better now that you're now on your own away from that mess.

    No looking back! Only forward from here on out.

    xo

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Just wanted to thank you for taking the time out to leave me a comment. Happy reading!